Sayanora.
by Lady Tenku
Summary: A female Digi-destined thoughts before she drowns herself on a suicide mission. Depression/Angst. -Yuri- R


  
Sayanora.  
  


_ Author's Note: _Konnichi-wa! I wrote this when I was rather depressed...it's fictional but very meaningful to me. Reviews are, as always, very welcome, as well as any feedback. My other fics [Betraying Innocence, Love Potion #37] are coming along alright. If you have any questions about their progress please ask me! ^^ Otherwise, enjoy the fic. Please try to be mature and understand it's meaning._  
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_ Disclaimer: _I do not own the Digimon, nor any of it's characters. I am not claiming ownership. This plot is original, please do not steal it.  
  
_ Warnings: _Depressing. Suicide and _Yuri. _If you do not like yuri, please leave now. I WILL NOT except flames: This fic was written for a deeper purpose then to be flamed simply because someone couldn't be mature and handle their opinions confidently. Also, this fic deals with mature themes. Please, be mature.  
  


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The woman lowered her head in the wind, feeling a cold wind fall around her already shuddering body. It sheltered her, whipping around her body on the abandoned bridge, blowing her tears away from her eyes and dimming their warmth, the only warmth left in her half-matured body. Hurt and cold, her arms crossed against her chest as she kneeled down on the concrete, looking out at the ocean with her end in mind.  
  
It spun around itself, just as the wind wrapped around her, it's once beautiful waves choppy with crystal foam. The wind droned over it's lapping cries, it's crashes breaking as they slammed up on the pillars of the bridge, burning on itself as they fell back into infinity.  
  
The girl, woman now, perhaps, continued looking at it, her body perfectly still and her sane eyes unwavering as she gazed out at it, neither feeling touched nor sympathetic to the ocean's strong cries. Again the wind blew, this time whirling thick strands of hair around her face, distracted nor compromising her watch none the more.  
  
It wasn't nearly close to dawn, the silver moon still hanging just above her in the dark sky of night, symboling the irony of the midnight hour. It hung above, silently in a sea of stars, over the collapsing ocean and the frozen rage of the woman's mind.  
  
Gorgeous, that ocean.', she thought, her eyes never blinking as she caught the reflection of her dark shadow in the water. No, impossible, it was midnight, there were no shadows.  
  
So immaculate to everyone, and so tortured to me. And yet still so very beautiful.'  
  
The black horizon expanded across the echoes of perished dawn as she spoke this, words echoing her pain and misery. Simple and unspoken, yes, but a compact of her sorrow. The ocean was like her, crying and crashing, killing itself against man's walls as did her, trapping itself in a sea of tears, never ending it's cries.  
  
How many men have taken you to see the ocean?', she thought, her tears silent and unnoticed now, rolling down her neck in cold streams, How many? How many times have you laughed, running with the sunset at your back, smiles on your face? And how many of those are left? Nothing, not one. No one could love you, because you could love no one back.'  
  
She was still kneeling now, her hands in her lap as a sort of death prayer as she spoke her final words in her mind, comprehending each one as though it was written by the hand of God instead of her own voice.   
  
You wanted so much to love someone, to have someone love you, to be happy. But you couldn't. No man, no boy, could love you, because you were the mistake. You were everything but you couldn't love them. No one. You couldn't love anyone.'  
  
It doesn't matter anymore. Just say it. You'll be dead by morning anyway.'  
  
The ocean spoke out to her then, its' words silenced in the drone of crashing waves as she began to push away her emotions for the plea of Heaven. This was her last time to tell herself everything, to really understand before she joined the ocean in it's sorrow.  
  
Go ahead, say it. You betrayed all of them, everyone that was willing to love you. All of your so-called boyfriends that you had. That was a lie.'  
  
The wind blew still against her, almost constant now, tousling her hair like a child's plaything. It tangled her hair, it's long strands mussed as she reached out and touched the metal rope of the bridge pole, running her hand down it, the icy cable cold to the touch as she paused for a moment, thinking.  
  
And your friends. They were lies. What did they do when they found out? Sheltered you, talked to you, yes. But love you in the same way? Never.'  
  
A slight sigh escaped her, a last word of loss to prove she really did need them, her friends. Friendship had meant so much to her. Too much.  
  
For God's sake, how could they love you? You were something to them and then you took that something away, making yourself into some kind of freak, someone they didn't even know. You lied to them. You kept too many secrets.'  
  
Then, suddenly, she felt alone, the feelings of overwhelment and loss, the broken songs of heartstrings, coming back to her for the first time. She did love someone, someone that could never love her back.  
  
About what about your best friend? What about Hikari? How did she feel when you told you that? That you were gay and knew it, and that of all the sick perverts in the world like _yourself _to choose from you had chosen her, the person you loved the most? What did she say when you said you loved her?'  
  
_I'm sorry...I..oh God... I... I can't love you that way. But ...we can still.. be friends.  
  
...I just can't love you that way.  
  
_A small gasp escaped from her throat as she remembered that night, the night she told Hikari she loved her. The gasp that had escaped Hikari's own throat, the shock in her eyes, the tears as she tried to think of words kind of enough not to hurt her, lies or not, so she could still be that perfect best friend she had always been.  
  
And she had to go and kill that relationship, the strand of trust they had still left unbroken.  
  
You're just a sorry bitch, and you know it. If you really loved Hikari, you should of taken it with you to here. She should of never known. At least that way only one person would of ended up dying.'  
  
Hikari killed herself on November 2. Taichi found her with a knife placed carefully through her chest in a thick pool of half-dried blood, only her fingerprints on the knife's handle, not even a note or a sign to hold her soul after. Everyone was torn, especially Takeru, who had, God knows, loved her more then she had. But she killed herself anyway, a week after she told her secret.  
  
It didn't matter what they said to her. Hikari died because of her. She caused her that kind of pain, the pain she was feeling now on that bridge. The kind that choked any will you had left to go on.  
  
It was too bad that dykes go to Hell. Otherwise she might of been able to say goodbye to her in Heaven.  
  
Again, tears began to fall slowly down her cheeks and into the lap of her body, over her hands. She had loved her. And she had loved her back, just not in the way she wanted it to be.  
  
And now her sweet, innocent friend was dead.  
  
Enough stalling.', the woman thought, her wrenched mind speaking over her tears and pulling her back into reality, the bridge underfoot and the wind blowing out the flame of her soul before the water could have the chance to grasp it first. It'll be dawn soon. Now.'  
  
The girl lifted her head slightly, back to the ocean and it's crashing waves. The ocean called her, beckoned her from her plain realities to the sweetness of tasting death, tempting her ever second as her eyes locked on it once more, the beautiful ocean that would sink her body home.  
  
  
  
Her final word lifted over the crash of the sea, whispering and disappearing faintly in the wind's silent moan. She had said good-bye.  
  
Now, enough stalling.  
  
She let a small smile of innocence wisp across her face, pleasure filling her wrenched soul at the relief to come. Slowly she lifted her hands out of her kneeled lap and touched the first button of her blouse, spinning it on her fingertip slightly, it's smooth plastic warm from being so close to her skin. Then, slowly, slipping her finger behind it and curving up, she unbuttoned it.  
  
And then the second button, slower each time, remenising something in this, then the third. Over and over until she was able to slip the last button and undo the shirt, letting it fall down her shoulders and pulling it down with her free hands and off her arms.  
  
Chances were that if they did ever find her, which was doubtful, and she was naked, her body beaten from being tousled blankly in the rough water, they'd call it rape and shut the case at that. What a tragedy.  
  
But it was better then the truth.  
  
Letting out a small stifle as the cold wind hit her bare arms, the shirt was removed. Calmly, watching it intently as though it was part of herself, her tossed her wrist and threw it over the bridge into the waiting dark of the rough water below.  
  
Then, slowly, as her familiar tears continued to fall down her face and onto her bare chest, she undid her capri's and did the same, the wind waving them goodbye as they too landed into the ocean's waiting breast. It went the same with her remaining clothes.  
  
Swallowing the violent shudders from cold that were running through her body because of her nakedness, she untied her bandana carefully, her long hair falling loosely around her shoulders as she slipped it out from behind her neck, and tossed it over.  
  
Then, suddenly, there was nothing left to be discarded, sacrificed to the waiting sea. Except her.  
  
Her body shook violently now, minutes delayed by the minutes she took to remove her clothing, prolonging this final part to come. Huddling her cold body with her arms, she shook out her head a little and stood up against her awaiting enemy, the bittersweet wind, and readied herself by slipping her fingers around the metal cord of the bridge.   
  
The ocean stretched ahead of her, trickles of dawn's colour just barely visible against the dampening horizon. Hours, a whole night, she had wasted, thinking about her torn and forsaken excuse for a soul. Thinking about those she loved, those she hated, those she didn't want to leave behind and the girl, the one girl she killed with her own story, waiting for her in whatever world lay beneath that water.  
  
I loved you. All of you.', the girl thought, stepping forward to the edge, the palms of her bare feet and naked body balancing her at the edge, And I'm sorry I had to do this to you. Cause you pain, hurt, regret. But I have nothing, my life is worthless now. I'm a freak, a ripped soul in this world of hearts and perfections. But, I swear, I did love all of you.'  
  
Aishiteru, watashi no..lie..ja. Ja ne.  
  
No need to say nothing more. Just a sweet goodbye.  
  
The wind whipped at her body, tossing her tangled hair behind her shoulders. Her lips, red from cold and salt, pressed together as she ended her words, the wind choking her thoughts into blank emotion as closed her eyes to the world around her, closing her soul to the ragged ocean beneath her and the ripping away the sad legacy she was leaving behind her in the scraps of her childhood.  
  
A slight smile choked on her face, her foot stepping forward and her ankle snapping, the grip on the rope letting loose as her eyes opened and, in a single moment, lavender hair falling behind her, Miyako jumped.  
  
Silence broke her scream, the dawn slowly bringing forth, all signs of the cherished night gone now. Her body lost, given way to the crush of the ocean's choking water, Miyako's soul disappeared into the waiting arms of her worthless destiny.  
  
_The End.  
  
  
  
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Was it acceptable? Please, review it. Otherwise it'll be gone. I'd really like to see what people get from this. _Also, this was meant of no offense to anyone, especially homosexual people.  
  
_Please review!


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